Some jokes on this page may be offensive to some people. There is no intention to be racist, sexist or any other 'ist in any form whatsoever. The intention is to make people smile. If you are easily offended, please skip over a few of the jokes and read the others. If you have something that you think may make someone smile. Send it on. Please

Question:Why was the dolly-and-track invented?
Answer: To teach grips how to walk upright.

Question:What do Grip's use for contraceptives?
Answer:Their PERSONALITIES

Question:What's the difference between Grips and Electrics?
Answer:Electrics take the dishes out, before they piss in the sink.

Question:What is the difference between a grip and a pig?
Answer:A pig wont stay up all night trying to screw a grip!

Question:How do you know when a grip is dead...?
Answer:The donut falls out of his hand!




TWO GRIPS FISHING


A Key Grip and his assistant were on location by the bay. So at lunchtime they hired a boat and went fishing. In half an hour they had a boat full of fish. The Key Grip looked at his watch and said "We had better head back now." At which point the assistant pulls the tape roll off his belt and puts a big X in the middle of the boat. The Key Grip gives him a weird look and says, "What are you doing?" The assistant replies,"WELL!! This is such a good spot, we want to be able to find it again." The Key Grip shakes his head and says,"YOU IDIOT!!!! We might not get the same boat next time."


GRIPPING APTITUDE TEST

Question:How do you find out if someone is going to make a good Grip?
Answer:You put someone in a round room with no door or windows and give him a bowling ball.Leave him there for 4 hours. If in that time he can lose it, break it or fuck it, he's a Grip.



Question: How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: Hmmmm... I'm not sure... What do YOU think?

Question: How many producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: Are you sure you need a lightbulb?

Question: How many directors of photography does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: Lightbulb? Where?

Question: How many lead actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: Just the one: to hold the lightbulb whilst the world revolves around him.

Question: How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: One PA

Question: How many sound mixers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Why would they care?

Question: How many 1st AD's does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Just one. No, just one more...... . No, just one more...no...just one more...

Question: How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: None, writers don't make changes.


Two male Producers were walking down the street going to lunch. A beautiful woman walks past them. One Producer turns around and looks at her and says,"I'd love to screw her." The other Producer turns around, looks and says,"Out Of WHAT?"


GENIE


A Producer, a Director and a DOP were on location at a beach. While walking through the sand, they found an old bottle. One of them said in jest,"This could be a Genie bottle." They all rubbed it and out pops a Genie, who promises to grant them all one wish each. The DOP says,"I would like my own 20 million dollar villa in Nice with 10 beautiful women for servants." And POOF he was gone. The Director said,"I want a 70ft yacht with 20 beautiful women for crew, cruising the Caribbean." WHAM he was gone. The Genie turns around and asks the Producer,"What would you like ?" The Producer looked at his watch and said,"We are shooting in half an hour, so I want those two back, NOW!!!!!"

More Genies...

A director, his director of photography, and a producer were stranded on a desert island.
One day a brass lamp washed up to shore and they all rubbed it. Out popped a genie who announced he would grant them each one wish.
The director of photography wished to return to his home so he could be with his family. Poof! He vanished.
The producer wished he could have a job with a corner office with a great view. Poof! He vanished.
The director said, "I wish the producer and director of photography were back here with me, I'm not used to making a decision without them."


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